RIP Dream Smith: 1976 - 2008

dream killed himself sometime after 1am on new year's day in seattle. he had sent me several songs over the past few weeks. most were new mixes of songs he had been working on with our band. some were songs he never intended to perform with other people. (he liked to perform at open mikes, such as the ones at mr. spot's chai house in ballard or trabant in the u district.) the tracks he sent me in early december all showed up in my itunes with the album title "begin." the ones he sent me late in the month had the album title "end." 

i didn't notice the album titles at the time, much less attach any significance to them. now i think that they must be a clue as to what he was planning to do.

i have many feelings at once about dream's death. i'm sad, obviously, but i also feel guilty, angry, stunned. and because almost all of my interaction with him was musical, i am obsessed with thoughts about his music. what is going to happen to it? so much of it, especially the last half dozen songs of his that he wrote (that i know about), are much better than 90% of the songs i hear on kexp. if songwriting ability were the sole determinant of success, dream would have already become the rock star he wanted to be. 

a line in the last song he sent me was going through my head for several days before i knew he had died:

he's well past the point of saving

i never thought that that line applied to dream himself, until after he was gone.